he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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