Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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