i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize