don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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