Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
