i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize