just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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