is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize