Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
