I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
