I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
