god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
