He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
