Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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