I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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