i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
