I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
