Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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