me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
