so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
