quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
