I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
