I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
