you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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