I didn't shave. On purpose
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
