i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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