don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
