This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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