She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she smelled like a LAN party
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
