Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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