Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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