I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
