a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
