Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
