tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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