He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
