Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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