OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
