When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
