just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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