Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
