this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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