yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
