i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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