just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
