ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
