remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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