Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We just shotgunned beers for America
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
