i already hear my dad disowning me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
