Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
