Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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