After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
