I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
