Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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