I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
