i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
