just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
