so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
