Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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