capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
