now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
