Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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