I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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