we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
