Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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