going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
