He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
