I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
