So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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