I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
