just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
