You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
